The End is Just a New Beginning

Sunday today begins story week, but first I have something on my mind I'm gonna blog about, you know just to get if off my chest. One of the hardest things in life is having words on your heart that you can't say. So I am gonna say it

The moments in life that are the hardest. The moments you just wanna give up. The moments you can see the end coming, and you seem to always say to yourself, I didn't see this coming or This isn't what I expected. Something like that. Well I always think I didn't imagine it like this. I always picture moments in my mind before they happen, and most of the time the way things turn out aren't even close to the way I imagined them. That moment when you picture everything in life crashing down on you, when you think can I handle the pain? When you ask yourself what do I do? But you really have no answer, and honestly you aren't really sure if you want an answer. You aren't really sure if you want to keep fighting anymore. Those moments are the hardest to go through. Whether or not things really do end, the moment you can picture it in your head, that's when the pain starts to hit, and those moments are the ones that tear you apart. These moments seem to come when you least expect them. Which always seem to make it ten times worse.
Ok enough about that, it was kinda depressing. On to the story..

Speaking of moments that you think of the end I will tell you the story about my first car... Buddy.
It was a warm April day when we met. He was lipstick red, had a spoiler and a cute little dent in the passenger door. He was a 1997 Honda Civic EX. He had more character than Bugs Bunny. His engine roared like a quite lion, and his windows didn't like to roll down very fast. He didn't get his name until after a month or two of driving me around everywhere. It wasn't until I told him all my issues and would just go to my car and vent and feel better. I'm not sure if that's weird or not, but I didn't really have anyone else that made me feel better. Then one day I called him buddy, and it stuck. He was my Buddy, I told him everything, and he always listened, he never laughed at me, and he always made me feel better. Well it was a warm September day, I was driving down a back road on my way to the store to pick up some pictures I had printed when it happened. Speed limit was 40 and I was going down a hill, in the middle of the hill was a road that crossed through, they had a stop sign but I didn't. Before I knew it was coming a big white truck slammed into my driver door, the monster slid down Buddy pushing us into the curb and throwing us around. Buddy rolled to a stop, as my life flashed before my eyes. The driver door was pushing into my hip as my head pounded. I could hear Buddy groan in pain. I couldn't get out of the car to see the damage. But I could feel that Buddy was fading fast. After a long wait at the hospital and a lot of pain killers, nothing could take the pain away of losing Buddy. That was a moment I will never forget. I love Buddy.

Inspiration of Strength

Saturday. October 6th 2012.... Don't forget to comment! Also Tomorrow begins the Story week! I'll be posting a story a day about anything! Read it or weep!

The word inspiring is on my mind today. I am thinking about things that inspire me most. If you think about it the word inspire could mean so many different things. We could be inspired to do something, or just inspired to live life to the fullest. Things that inspire me to paint are the same things that inspire me to live life to the fullest. People inspire me. Not just ordinary people. The people that inspire me are the ones that are happy through the toughest moments, the ones that are abstract, the ones you don't expect to see everyday. More specifically the ones I love inspire me most. They inspire me to love, to love in a way I never thought was possible. They inspire me to live more than I have ever lived before and to enjoy the life I was given. They inspire me to be strong.
The person that inspires me to love more is someone I love very much and someone I hold close to my heart. He has taught me to not care what people think of me. He has showed me how to overcome fears. He has been there for me no matter what. Even when I am tough to be around and upset he still wants to be with me. Even when he isn't feeling good he still has a smile. No matter what I say or do I know that he will still love me. He inspires me to be this way for him. I can only hope to be as wonderful has he is. I can only pray to be as loving. He inspires me to love.
The people that inspires me to enjoy life are all the rule followers and under-achievers. You have taught me that I can do better, that in fact if I try my best I will succeed. You have taught me that if I go outside the box there is a whole new world full of wonderful, interesting things and a beautiful world to explore. You have inspired me to original. You have inspired me to live.
The person that inspires me to be strong, is a beautiful women that I will never forget. She has been through so much. She has lost so much and been through so much pain. But it's people like her that show true joy. People like her that show how much you can really take. She inspires me to be strong. She makes me smile every time I think of her. I know nothing can defeat her, and she has proved that to me and to the world. She inspires me to be strong, She inspires me to have joy.

Inspiration can come from anywhere. Open your eyes, see the world around you come alive.

A Billboard Hint

Oh Friday, you bring great joy to everyone. Remember next week is story week, I will tell a different story each day! Tune in to see what I say!

Have you ever wondered why people can be so dense? Some people just don't get hints. Like those funny socially awkward people. Come on we all know at least one person like that? When they don't understand when to stop talking, or when the awkward silence as gotten too awkward. Situations like that are funny to me. Not that I try to create them but they always make me laugh. Or you have people like me that laugh the entire conversation like they are high and then eventually start crying because they have laughed so much. Or you have those creepy socially awkward people that don't know when they aren't really welcome or don't get the hint to stop following you. Anyways that isn't the point. My point is the normal people that don't catch a hint. I have mainly noticed this problem with men, but some women can be this way too. Sometimes they just look at you like, "I have no idea what you are saying." Or when you put hints in something you say like,"I like flowers..." really you are saying I want you to get me flowers. That one is an easy one. Or when you are like "I miss you." That doesn't mean I just miss you, that means you better come and see me right now! Although that never really happens and that is an unrealistic expectations but that is what that phrase really means. Its when you put hints into something that you say that people don't get it. They take you literally, and you are just like.... "seriously how on earth did you not get that!" I laugh most of the time because either I'm bad at giving hints or people are just plain dumb. Maybe its a mixture. You know I laugh a lot. Hints for some people need to be a billboard posted on my forehead, giving them a blueprint of what needs to happen. And when I am honest to myself, I am one of those people.

Art Visions

Thursday... I hope people like my blog. Since no one followed directions and commented I don't know what you think. I think that next week I am going to do a story week so everyday I tell a story fictional or nonfiction I haven't decided but I guess that just means you will have to read it. This will start on Sunday.

So I always get this picture in my head every time I am in the back of car looking out the window. This picture looks like a movie, and I always picture it going with the beginning of a movie. You know like where the play the music and it goes through the first credits and the title and stuff like that. It would be raining and the camera would be looking out the window focusing on the ground, like the white lines as they pass by and rain hits the window, slowly the camera would move from looking out the window to the inside of the car, and the title would show when you can see the the droplets on the window, like the clear little dots. The music would fade and someone would start talking about life, and fill you in on whats going on.

I don't know why this comes to mind so often but it does, and I also don't know how it ever got there and why I am so fascinated by it. But when I imagine this picture in my mind it makes me think. Like deeply and truly think. I don't know what it is about the rain on the road but it helps me think clearly, like when I need to think about something I always imagine this scene. Maybe someday I will actually make a little video and maybe then this vision will go away and I can move on and find another scene to make me think. Maybe this is just on of those art visions. Art visions are these pictures I get in my mind that never go away until I create it. And when I say create it I mean make it look exactly like it looks in my head. EXACTLY. I don't know how this works but things come to my mind, images I have never seen before and I never forget them until they are on a canvas completely finished. Art visions just come to me. They come to me in dreams, while I'm writing a paper or even when I'm taking a shower. They are so cool when they happen, I know I always say to myself "Wow that would be cool." And normally the person sitting next to me is like"What?" with a weird but yet interested look on their face.But I just say "Nothing." You know why? Because I have no way of describing to someone what is in my head.

Art visions, its really how I see everything. 

Fighting for Happiness

Today was a good day. Wednesday the middle of the week. Getting through Wednesday makes you feel one step closer to the weekend. I had a good day, it was long, but it was a good day. No one commented yesterday! So comment today please! If you have a topic you would like me to write about let me know!! I'll do it. OK?

Have you ever noticed that after you fight with someone you love or care about a lot, you always seem to care or love them more after you get through it. I'm not sure why this happens. Something about fighting brings us closer. We learn more about each other. We see that we really can do this, and you see how much the other person cares. Cause if they didn't care they wouldn't be arguing, they would just leave. I noticed that after a fight or an argument that I feel like I just want a hug and I want to watch a sad movie. I also tend to eat when I get upset... not too good for my hips. But I love the feeling when you see that loved one again. After the fight is all over it is just so relaxing. You see them and you feel all warm inside and all you want to do is tell them how much you love and care for them. And when they feel the same it just brings pure happiness.

Lets talk about happiness... It is a funny thing. Happiness seems to come and go as our mood changes right? When our smile fades so does our happiness. WRONG! Your happiness should never fade. Pure true happiness isn't a feeling, its an action, a lifestyle. Happiness isn't something that you look for in life or that you fight to get. It is something that should come from the heart, something that you learn to have. Happiness is about being joyful. Joy is something that sticks. When people look at you they know that you are joyful that you enJOY life. Happiness is the same way. Be happy that you are alive. Be happy for the people you have in your life and know that every moment is a blessing to live.

Growing and Learning

Alright, Tuesday is the day of today. I feel like Tuesday's are just a repeat of Monday. You know because nothing really happens new on Tuesday's. Well that is how I feel about that. I hope people like my blog, what I write about. If you have any suggestions or comments or just feel like telling me you care about what I have to say, please comment! I would love to see what you have to say. And also know that someone out there is listening to me.

As I grow up and time moves on I learn more about myself everyday. Even though I am not growing any taller and I am ever condemned to being short; I still grow as a person. I learn things I dislike, and I learn things I like. For instance today I learned that I like to eat mashed potatoes the same way I like to eat my baked potatoes. I still like baked potatoes more but I learned how to like mashed potatoes. I also learn my pet peeves. Everyone has them and I am sure that I push peoples buttons all the time. (I'm sorry for pushing your buttons sometimes) I learned that I don't like to have a ton of lights on, cause it gives me a headache. I don't like to make my bed because it seems pointless to me. I don't like it when people are bad with time management and then it makes me have more things I have to do. I really don't think anyone enjoys that last one. But I also learn things that I like. You know when you try new things or you get an idea. Like I enjoy flowers, I like to get them, smell them, look at them, and paint them. I like to draw, I like the peace and quiet. I like surprises. I enjoy to look at trees. Things like that. And everyday I learn more about myself. Today I learned that No Matter What the Good Memories Always Out-Weigh the Bad. The last sentence was IMPORTANT. I really believe this, that it ALWAYS is like this, you just really have to think about it. I learned today that I live my life based off of that phrase, I just never really thought about it until now.

I don't really understand where all of that just came from but it came from somewhere in the deep dark whole I call a brain. Also I was thinking today what is this blog about.... Just how I think i guess. And what I think about. It's kinda random. Do I need to have a point though? Do you like what I am writing now? And why should I care what people think, it is MY blog right? I am writing it, so I can write about whatever I want. And frankly I wanna write about my thoughts if I want to.

Thoughts From the Brain and the Heart

Well today is Monday. Everybody hates Mondays. They are long, boring and just plain awful. Monday's always seem to be full of disappointment and laziness. I feel like every Monday seems like a whole week in one day; by the end I'm ready for the weekend but its still so far away. Today was a special day for me and my someone special.... His name is Allen (just for your information). Today was our 1/2 year anniversary and we went out on a cute little date. It was fun and special just like him... (cheesy I know)
Ok on to something new....

I'm just gonna lay out every thought as it comes to my brain or heart.

-Life moves so quickly at times, speeding by and leaving behind the ones who can't seem to keep up, but yet Life also moves so slow making to quick thinkers slow down and evaluate whats happening. I'm not sure what I like better. It seems as though, the faster you want time to move the slower it seems to go. But the slower you would like time to move the quicker it passes. Those moments that you cherish move by so fast as if a blink of an eye, but the times we wish to forget seem to stick for an eternity.

- Disappointment seems to only be a state of mind. If you choose to look past it or change your original expectations the disappointment seems to just vanish. It may hurt a little, or even just sting, that's how all disappointment is. But you have to learn not to let it control you. You have to move past it. Letting something new happen and seeing all the new possibilities. Life has its ups and downs, its disappointments and its achievements but you can't live in sorrow because you didn't get everything you wanted. You also can't live in pride because you did something good. You must rejoice in the now and learn that it is about what you have in front of you and what you are holding in your arms.

- Those times when it seems like you have reached your limit, that you can't take anymore that is when you realize how far you can really go, and how much more you can take.

Well that's what is on my mind at moment.... Real and the right now. Tune it tomorrow to see what other things I have to say